Welcome back to me–My Story of Fear of Weight Loss after 40

It’s amazing to me it’s been over a year since I last blogged but regardless it’s time to start again.

Today I weighed in at 236 pounds. Basically the very same that I weighed last year at this time. Interestingly enough I have figured out this year that the weight is harder on me than it was 2 or 4 or 6 years ago when I weighed much more. I’m going to be 50 this year and frankly everything hurts right now. I know it is weight related.

But…see…I have this fear. I have this fear that I won’t be able to lose it. I mean my history has been that I lose and then I gain it back, lose and gain it back. But honestly as I write this I realize I have actually kept off 35+ pounds for two years so the story I tell myself, the one that makes me afraid of failure is just that–a story-a lie.

I didn’t want to turn 40 and be fat. I didn’t want to turn 45 and still be fat. And I sure as hell don’t want to turn 50 in September and be fat.

So what is the thought that I can lose 36 pounds in 90 days? I don’t see it. But I do think I can lose 20-25 pounds but I have to fight for it. I no longer have the luxury that I did in my 30’s and even in my mid 40’s of just eating less and losing weight. I have to use all weapons at my disposal. Diet is 80% yes, but strength training and cardio is the area that I have to crank up on. When I did all three, I lost my weight and kept it off.

I lose really slowly now. Like 2 pounds a month slow. But I finally know why. Finally. I went to the doctor and had my thyroid checked–normal. There is no physical reason why I cannot lose weight. I was always one of those that thought well at around 50 your metabolism slows down and you have a harder time losing. Hmm….not sure I buy that. I think what really happens is you lose muscle. And muscle burns fat. So the answer is to build more muscle. That is a much more empowering message because I have control over my destiny and a slower metabolism is not something I can control. Others may disagree with me but I am going to test my theory.

 

So…I’ve figured out my plan.

More to come

2014-04-20 13.17.49

 

 

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