Starving for Love

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I mentioned yesterday that I do a lot of research into things before I do them. I think it’s the student in me. I have always had a love of learning. Part of my research and interest in the topic of losing weight has been to read other blogs on weight loss. There is so much misinformation out there it can be scary.

I am not a medical professional. I do not make any claims to know more than what I know. But I do know these truths to be real in MY SITUATION:

Depending on several factors, it takes a certain amount of calories just to make your body function. That means it takes calories for your heart to pump, your brain to work. They don’t just magically work without  you fueling your body. Now I could point you in the direction of several online calculators to determine what you should eat based upon age, sex, weight, etc. but I’m not going to do that. Why? Because when I was eating below the uber low 1200 calories, I was starving myself and it is psychological and no amount of scientific information was going to get me over that hump. That is not how it was.

As soon as I quit starving myself and increased my calories to 1200 calories a day (this is way low but it’s a lot to some people like how it was for me until just recently) I gained weight back. It is simple math and how the body works. Once i figured that out and realized what I was trying to do mentally it helped.

But first, I had to deal with what was keeping me literally obsessed about losing weight. To the point where I was weighing myself 5 times a day, freaking out over every little weight fluctuation daily  and basically not eating. To do that, I got into therapy, dealt with my issues (see my archives for posts on those things) and I have gradually returned to normal.

The basic premise is that I was starving for love. My mother in particular but my absent, non-protecting father as well. I was never given the tools to learn how to love and accept myself which is the first rule of self realization. My therapist, Randy, is teaching me how to do that. And guess what? I’m eating! I weigh myself once a day and I’m flirting with throwing the scale away and just focusing on body composition which is the best indicator anyway.

If you are a person that is starving yourself and is depressed and has made the scale one of your closest friends, please look inside yourself. It is not the food. It’s not the fact that you can lose an ounce or you do gain an ounce. It’s what is eating you inside.

You are courageous in your fight to lose weight. It takes so much mental energy to do that. People like us need to channel our energy in the direction of what’s in our minds and our bodies will most certainly follow.

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2 Responses to Starving for Love

  1. Cony says:

    I felt like I was reading my story!!
    You are absolutely right 🙂

  2. As a parent it scares the hell out of me the damage I could do with just a few words. My girls are okay, no major issues. But I am aware of just how dangerous a father’s words and actions can be.
    I’m glad to hear that you are on the right track.

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