For as long as I have had this blog, I have only gone off topic one time. Today is the second.
I made the decision some time ago to get rid of most of my possessions and move out of my home into an apartment. Some of it was economic due to a layoff in 2008 followed quickly by a divorce. But much of it was due to the fact that I realized I spent way too much time thinking about, buying, maintaining and replacing STUFF. Stuff that didn’t make me happy.
I made this realization when I was 120 pounds overweight, depressed and I lost any faith that God was there for me.
Fast forward to 2010. Things were better, I had lost some weight, enjoyed my work, I have a great son but my belief in God was still shaky. It’s not that I didn’t BELIEVE in God. I was raised Catholic and I just can’t give up God and Jesus like “that”. I still believed though that HE had better things to do than care about someone who was making bad decisions.
I went through a period of my life for about 18 months or so where I made decisions I pay for every day. What I did isn’t the point. What is the point is that as I have forgiven myself (and it’s taken therapy and one of the most cherished people in my life to get me through it) I have realized God was always there, waiting for me to notice HIM.
So how does all of this tie together with getting rid of STUFF and self forgiveness? As I have simplified my life, the door has been opened to receive what is most important and that is to be able to live God’s plan for me. I have no idea what that plan is. But where I have lived in fear before, I have no fear now. I have pushed through some threshold of pain and despair to where every day I wake up happy because I know God is going to do something for me this very day that I never thought possible.
This is not about RELIGION. This is about my personal relationship with my creator. I’ve been given the gift of loving to write and how can I not write about this? How can I not sing from the mountain top?
There is a song I love by Mercy Me called Bring the Rain. Basically it’s about bad things and keeping the rain coming and he is still there for us. He was always there for me. I just had to look.
Thank you, M. You are my foot soldier for Christ.