Scale Torture

Today I woke up nervous. It was our first scheduled weigh in. When you have binge eating disorder (yes, it really is a disorder) the scale is a mighty foe. Just before we started this challenge I gave my scale away because I know that my obsessiveness with the scale puts me on an emotional roller coaster.

I have been known to weigh myself 5 times per day. With my therapist’s help I got down to once every day until I found out I was in this thing and basically “gave it over” and didn’t weigh much until last week when I thought I weighed in at 252.9. This is where it gets interesting.

So we worked out this morning, a good Tabata workout. Tabata is a type of interval training where you do 20 seconds on working as hard as you can and 10 seconds off. We went 6 rounds of it. It was tough but it was better than last week.

I waited to be the last one to weigh in because I didn’t think I should be weighing in. It’s not that I lacked confidence in what I ate, my workouts or anything else. I just was enjoying the freedom that comes with not letting a scale dictate my self worth.

But in I went.

After 6 days of workouts, 1300-1400 calorie days of eating, drinking so much water I felt like a beach ball, I lost a grand total of .9 pounds.

DAMN.

I just broke down crying. I don’t think my trainer knew what to do at that point and she had to run for her next class and she is not a therapist so I just sat there after she left. Alone. Defeated. Devastated.

I’ve watched people go through this program for 2 years and mind you, some of these people are older than me, lose significant weight. Am I going to be the outlier that doesn’t do it?

I talked to Lisa later and she mentioned that while she was in the room last week that she let me weigh myself and she thinks I did it wrong because their scale measures in 1/4 pounds so how could I get a .9? Wonderful, now I don’t really know for sure what I weighed last week so we are assuming it was 253 and I lost a pound.

Lisa told me she doesn’t want me to feel sorry for myself and binge. I don’t know how to take a statement like that so I’m just going to ignore it. And not binge of course.

I guess, all I can say right now, is I am going to weigh myself next week and then probably not weigh myself for a long time. I can’t take the pressure. Right now I allow the power of the scale to impact how I feel about myself and right now I feel like a loser. And not a weight loser.

I don’t believe this crap about “well you are building muscle”. Please. I realize I will be but I have much fat to lose first.

It’s my blog and I can be pissy if I want to.

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6 Responses to Scale Torture

  1. It is a fact! 😀

    Working out damages muscle which causes water retention. Plus working out also adds muscle. Thus the reason you didn’t lose as much as you felt you should had a lot to do with the workouts.

    If you plan to continue with the workouts, you need to measure yourself in several places so you can at least see the tape change.

    Personally, I am against working out early in a diet. Yes it makes you healthier but it puts a LOT of additional strain mentally on the dieter.

    I lost 100 pounds before I even thought about exercise. If you plan to continue, then you really do need to break out the tape measure because whether you believe it or not the muscle weight gain is a reality.

    Either way, I hope the scale starts moving in the right direction for you. That scale can be a serious jerk MOST of the time.

    My two cents even if it is only worth a penny. 😀

    • Seriously thank you. I was hoping there was someone that would maybe refute that. I just have such a hard time believing that muscle build can make such a difference when you are fat but I guess so!! Thanks for following I followed you back!

  2. Rick says:

    Yeah, I tend to agree with Lost100Pounds. You’ve got a lot going on with your body right now. I would also offer something else: At 1300-1400 calories per day, with that kind of activity level, is your body going into starvation mode where you actually don’t lose anything? Although I’m hardly a nutritionist, I’ve seen that happen. About 15 years ago I was on a program that had a LOT of restrictions, including most carbs. Even at my height/weight (I’m 6′ 4″), I was only taking in like 1600-1800 calories a day. A lot of the women in the program would go for weeks and only lose a few ounces. It was brutal.

    All that to say, it may be the program you’re on that’s restricting your actual wight lost. For this week, anyway. Who knows what next week will bring? Also, it doesn’t seem fair, but women seem to have a more difficult time losing weight than men, in general. I know, I’m just a chauvinist. 🙂

    • I think you guys are right and I found some interesting information I am going to post that makes me feel better. And hey, I agree–men DO lose faster than women. That’s what nature gives you for being a child bearer!!!

  3. Women definitely have a slower metabolism and the older we all get, the slower our metabolism gets.

    I definitely lose weight slower than I used to.

    Good luck and don’t get discouraged. Weight tends to come off in spurts followed by plateaus.

    You do need to break out the tape measure. Before after shots are also a great way to SEE the change.

    Good luck 😀

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