Being Fat is a Choice

At least it has been with me.

If you look at pictures of me as a kid I didn’t have a weight problem. I was tall and not really comfortable being the tallest in my class. But I was average sized.

My mom battled weight loss issues and decided that I needed to lose weight. Really I think she didn’t want to go through the journey alone so as the oldest girl she decided I had a problem and brought me along for the ride. That ride included Weight Watchers, Overeaters Anonymous and Diet Center as well as starvation. I was about 12 at the time. Look at the  picture of me in my dance outfit and you can decide if I was overweight.

Image

When I write about my therapy I’ll talk more about the relationship with my mom. The reason I am writing about this piece is because these activities developed a poor self image and the ironic thing is that I turned to food for comfort.

I’ve been an emotional eater for years. It reached a crisis point as my marriage began to unravel after the birth of my son in 1999. When I got pregnant I was at a very healthy weight (for me) of 172. When I gave birth I was 260, topping out at 270 when I got divorced in 2008. I am now sitting at 250 which is where I have been for some time now.

I am not fat because of my mother. I am not fat because of my ex-husband. Nor my job or external relationships.

I am fat because I have chosen in the past to use food as a coping mechanism.

Lonely? Happy? Depressed? Anxious? Didn’t matter. Food has been my replacement for a boyfriend, women friends because I don’t have that many or any other type of companion I need. You have to understand, being fat is an incredibly isolating disease. I have hated leaving my house so therefore developing relationships is not an option.

Food is a great companion. It doesn’t reject you, talk back to you. It’s always there to comfort you day or night.

But my constant companion is killing me. I’ve just been told by my doctor that I’ve got a fasting blood sugar of 109 which is considered “Pre-Diabetes”. I have knee issues and chronic Plantar Fascitis, which is exacerbated by being fat.

As Andy Dufresne says in the Shawshank Redemption…”Get busy living or get busy dying.”

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10 Responses to Being Fat is a Choice

  1. Rick says:

    Great quote. And your experience with weight seems to have paralleled mine at different points. WW has worked for me, so if you were quite young when you last tried it, you might consider giving it another chance.

  2. John says:

    Keep at it, a step and a pound at a time! Holler on FB if there is anything I can help with-I have some Navy Fitness Leader and “amateur” personal training experience and am debating adding a fitness and health blog to my motorcycle blog. Great that you strike at the core issue first-most of us don’t/won’t!

  3. Doug Landreth says:

    I have lost over 40 pounds over the last year and I cannot believe how my aches and pains have subsided. I have also been an emotional eater but I also love to cook, which has been a double whammy for me. I have learned a lot about food and triggers that make me gain weight. The biggest things for me is bread and wheat flour. If I eat anything with flour I will gain 3-4 lbs easy.
    I am sure you will do well on this journey and inspire many people as you reach your goals. I am excited for you Sandra.

  4. Valerie says:

    I am so very excited about you doing this and am very inspired to do this myself! I have gained more weight then I can even admit. I have several health issues that prevent me from exercising, even doing something as simple as loading the dishwasher puts me in so much pain that I am in tears and usually in bed for the next day. I’m not sure how to even get started on losing weight. I barely eat, but my inability to exercise is what is piling on the pounds. I would love some advice on how to accomplish my weight lose goal of 80lbs. Thank you again for doing this! You are truly an inspiration to women of all ages! God Bless you and your family!

  5. Nanette says:

    I am SO sorry that your mother did that to you, Sandra. I think it IS her fault, but your problem. And I’m so proud of you for being so open and honest. That is a great first step! I promise there are MANY of us out here fighting the fight WITH you.

  6. Judie Crowley says:

    Sandra…(Sorry, you always will probably be “Sandy” to me). Thank you for including me with your blog update. I too am overweight so I understand how you feel. Also, I know something about your background. I am very proud of you for taking this big step to improve your life. Keep up the great work, one day at a time!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!! Love Ya, Aunt Judie

  7. Debbie says:

    Sandra,
    I just recently rejoined Weight Watchers as it works for me. I too am an emotional eater and I just like to eat plain and simple…Good Luck and I look forward to following you on your new journey..

  8. Thank you SO much!!! I will be sure to follow you and connect with you!! S.

  9. Your post really resonates with me. Being overweight IS an isolating disease. It’s socially debilitating in so many ways, but food IS always there to “make you feel better” without passing judgment.

    I’m so excited to be on your team, getting over this hurdle with you. Your positive, bubbly attitude is encouraging!!!

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